Dads Dads


Dads. On the surface, they appear to be groafish, prebbered men with a predisposition for coin collecting, groin maneuvers, and skilless lovemaking. But what happens inside the body and mind of a dad? That question is quite important, and will not be answered here.

This article is not about that, or anything else for that matter.


Well, it might be about the history of dads. And no, I’m not talking about Dad’s Root Beer! Well, I partially am. This article is about both the history of dads the people and Dad’s the root beer. Which one is more important? Well, I’m going to incite a little controversy and say the men type of dads are. A few root beer lovers may disagree with my opinion on this, but hey, what else is new? Suck my shit-covered tits, root beer enthusiasts.

Dad’s was invented in the 1930s by partners Barney Berns and Ely Klapman in the basement of Klapman’s Chicago-area home. Dads were invented way back in the days of the dinosaurs! Dinosaur dads were much different that the human being dads of today. While today’s dads spend their time mowing lawns and thinking about tires, dino dads actually just ran around and killed things. Much like Barney Berns and Ely Klapman ran around in Ely’s basement “killing” bottle after bottle of delicious Dad’s root beer!


After the dinosaurs went extinct there were no dads for a very, very long time. But then slowly, plants started growing up from the ground. Some of those plants were dads. Those dads went out and had sex with the hottest human moms they could find. The first Plant Babies were hideous monsters which lived very short, painful lives. Their lungs were often on the outsides of their bodies, their lips gigantic, and their hair perfect. Millions had to die before evolution was able to create a viable plant dad/human mom hybrid. Dad’s Root Beer distinguished itself as a brand and industry innovator when it became the first product to use the six pack format invented by the Atlanta Paper Company in the 1940s!

Dad’s was marketed as a family. “Junior” bottle size was the smallest, 7, 10 or 12 ounces. “Mama” was a quart bottle, and “Papa” was a half gallon bottle. (The image of the young boy featured on the “Junior” size bottle is Barney Berns’ son, Gene Berns.) Another thing which is marketed as a family is actual families with real dads! “Junior” is the young dad-haver, “Mama” is the mom of “Junior”, and “Papa” is, you guessed it, Barney Berns’ son, Gene Berns!


The 1960s was an awesome decade for dads. The Vietnam war was probably going on, the civil rights movement might have been in full swing, and dads everywhere got to enjoy killing other men in a hot jungle and smoking “pinch-hitters” with average-looking hippy chicks. Chances are it was a great decade for Dad’s as well, but they don’t have any info on it on their website.

Luckily, the 2000s was a great decade when it comes to Dad’s having information about it on their website! In 2007 Dad’s Root Beer was purchased from Monarch, along with the Bubble Up, Dr. Wells, and Sun Crest brands, by Hedinger Brands, LLC and licensed to The Dad’s Root Beer Company, LLC. “Bubble Up,” “Dr. Wells,” and “Sun Crest” you say? Well, it sounds like I may have to do a few more articles! Dads were doing just fine in the 2000s too. It was still cool to clip your phone to your belt, Famous Dave’s opened 48 new franchise locations nationwide, and there were 12 different shows about building custom motorcycles.


As you can see, from the Stone Age to the “Phone Age,” dads and Dad’s have been through a lot. From being dinosaurs, to being plants, to being Gene Berns, I think we can all agree that us dads deserve an ice cold Mama of Sun Crest every now and then.

Erogenous Zones BEAUTY & STYLE

Beyond the Shaft: How to Pleasure A Man’s 6…

Erogenous Zones

Since ancient humans began doing sex, the man’s shaft has been the focus of much of the focus of the lovemaking act’s focus, and with good reason. The shaft is easy to find, even easier to grab, and it is often the cleanest part of a man’s body. But many men tire of constant shaft-centric sex just as women tire of being a “shaft master.” Sure, it feels great to have your shaft rolled, flicked, and thurfed, but the amazing male body actually has 6 additional erogenous zones to explore, pleasure, and damage.

Now, you’re probably saying, “I’ve heard of Auto Zone, Wing Zone, and Degan’s Sports Zone, but what in the heck is the “Erogenous Zone?” What the heck are you talking about here? What? Please help me out. Would someone please explain this to me?” Don’t worry! I said the same thing the 1st, 2nd and 7rd time I heard that term. An “erogenous zone” is a “zone” on a man’s body which is “erogenous.”

A man’s cock hole can be identified by its resemblance to a small, urine-dripping fish’s mouth which is frowning because the fish is sad and occasionally sneezes because the fish is sick. We all know that that you can put stuff in holes, so try putting stuff into the cock hole. The man might just like it! Use whatever you’ve got in your purse that was cheap.
Erogenous Zones

We’ve all heard about the wonderful hole that lies between a man’s cheeks (the butt hole), but what about the cheeks themselves? We’ve never heard about them. A man’s butt cheeks may be pleasured one at a time, but never simultaneously. No man wants his B cheeks over-pleasured.

Erogenous Zones

Ok, ok, I said this article was about the erogenous zones besides the shaft, but let’s face it, everyone wants to get their shaft fucked. Just be sure to avoid any contact between your vagina and the penis head. Yuck! Shaft only, please.

Erogenous Zones

It’s a common misunderstanding that some guys don’t like getting rammed in their hole. This couldn’t be further from the truth! Every man loves having his hole hammered. The important thing is to allow him to prepare himself. Make a gentle farting sound with your mouth with an upward inflection as if the fart is asking a question. If the man is ready, he will confirm the curious fart sound with a gentle mouth fart of his own, which will sound like it is asking “butt hole?” The answer, of course, is yes.

Erogenous Zones

If you’ve ever stood behind a stallion while waiting in line for a concert, you’ve probably seen testicles. A man’s testicles can be found by slapping his penis shaft aside and quickly snatching up the strange pouch which lays below. This “coin purse” doesn’t actually contain any coins. Not yet anyway! Gently slice the scrotum open with something and open it up. Inside you will find what looks like big handful of rotten grapes. Now for the fun part: add quarters, nickels, heck, even dimes. Now that you’ve paid, you can take some of the grapes.

Erogenous Zones

Try shaking his hand! I’m not sure about other guys, but I personally jizz in my pants whenever I shake hands with a woman (and certain Hispanic men). There’s just something about meeting someone in a professional setting and politely shaking their hand that really gets the ol’ semen uncontrollably pouring out of my flaccid penis and into my work shorts. The same might be true in the bedroom! So the next time he’s in the mood, seductively push him down onto the bed, peel off your top, look him in the eyes, and shake his hand in a professional manner. Who knows, he may need to go “shorts shopping” before he goes to work the next day!

Erogenous Zones

After reading all of these tips, you have absolutely no excuse to leave your man unsatisfied by having boring-old penis shaft sex. A man’s body is a temple, and you should treat it exactly like you would treat an actual temple.

What Men Really Want LIFESTYLE

What Men Really Want – Written by a Real…

What Men Really Want
Men. Some of us are them. Women spend their lives asking themselves what men really want and then answering “I don’t know. I am a woman. I’m sorry. Stop asking me that.”
Men, on the other hand, spend our lives screaming what we want at everyone around us. We punch bloody holes in walls spelling out our needs in giant gruesome letters. We grunt and point when we want something, yet no one seems to understand this clear expression of want. We pee our desires in the sand on the beach, only to have them washed away by the tides of women who simply can’t read our pee. If women want to know what men want, they need to go to the source: me. Because I’m a man, and the last I checked, I want things.

“…where do you think the men would be shopping? The women’s side? Fuck no, you dumb fucking idiot”

I want to make an analogy. An analogy is when you try to describe something by describing something else that is different than that thing. Think about a shopping mall. Half of the stores in our imaginary mall cater to women. We’ve got lingerie, make-up, brooms, everything women like. Then on the other side of the mall is guy stuff. Sport hats, fishing music, barbecue sauce hats…talk about guy stuff U.S.A.! Now if this mall were real, which it is (for the purpose of our analogy), where do you think the men would be shopping? The women’s side? Fuck no, you dumb fucking idiot. The men’s side. Now we’re getting somewhere.

“This bra feels great on my breasts!”

Now imagine you’re invisible or have been shrunken down to a very small size. You’re sneaking around watching the shoppers. First you watch the women. You see them smiling, trying on new bras and saying things like “I bet men will like this bra!” and “This bra feels great on my breasts!” Now, follow the men. Are they trying on hot new undies to impress the ladies? Heck no! They’re buying huge rolls of those blue paper towels that are as thick as a washcloth. Men love those blue paper towels.
What Men Really Want
Now, turn uninvisible or become normal sized again. I want you to notice fourteen important points we learned on our little adventure. The women were buying one bra at the bra store, one broom at the broom store, and one makeup at the makeup store.
The men, however, bought as many of those blue paper towels as they could fit in their cart. Some even got 2 carts full. Now, why is this, and what does it tell us about what men want? Well, you see, men never want to go back to the mall. They want to head home, crack open a fresh roll of heavy-duty paper towels, and hopefully die. This is what men want.