Dear Diane,
What do I do if I don’t think my girlfriend likes me anymore? Please help!
– ScaredinTucson!
Hi ScaredinTucson,
Try faking your own death and see if she comes to the funeral, JUST MY TWO CENTS!!!
Dear Diane,
Which yoga pants should I wear when having diarrhea?
– MissesMeow
Hi MissesMeow,
Just stay home and go pantless! There’s no rule about yoga pants or diarrhea when you’re sitting at home with a cold one!!!!! BUT I COULD BE WRONG!!!
Dear Diane,
Why was I born a man?
– Stevia
Hi Stevia,
I think it has something to do with BIRDS OR BEES!!! I try not to think about the evil men do!!! OOPS!
Dear Diane,
Should I take my daughters to Disneyland or are they shitty?
– DadMan
Hi DadMan,
Who is this again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Dear Diane,
I have 4 rashes on my thigh (left one). I played in a grass patch by the pond where my grandpa lives even though my dad said “don’t do that, son!” Don’t tell him!! what should i do?
– Nervous & Itchy
Hi Nervous & Itchy,
Is this Thomas? I told you not to contact me through here. Call your father.
Dear Diane,
Do you think I should see a doctor for this lump?
– LumpNeck5000
Hi LumpNeck5000,
That looks okay to me!!! Sometimes I think hospitals just charge too much for things… but I guess that means I’m just a communist!!!!!
Dear Diane,
Do you think it’s okay when people kill dogs to make wigs?
– DogDays
Hi DogDays,
Probably not!!! BUT WHO AM I TO JUDGE?!?
Dear Diane,
THESE WOLVES STOLE MY BABY!!!!!!!!!
– InfantTakenByWolves
Hi InfantTakenByWolves,
Take a bath!! Put your feet up!!! NEXT!!!!
Dear Diane,
Sometimes I feel like the mailman is opening my mail and putting cereal in all my envelopes. I have no proof but I am buying a gun!!!
– GUN MAN
Hi GUN MAN,
I was about to say!! You should buy a gun or something. LOL!