Kegels were all the rage in 1993. Kegels and David Koresh. Check out these hot new ways to beef up your dong hole in 2015.

Ms. Universe

Say goodbye to pelvic organ prolapse and hello to tight sexy fun-flaps! Chug a gallon of Muscle Milk and then piss it out as hard as you can into a bucket.

Chatterbox

Remember those fun wind-up chatter teeth? Insert a pair into your V- zone and practice chomping down some corn on the cob. Careful not to bite your lip!

CrossClit

Masturbate with a crucifix ala “The Exorcist”. Your man will be thanking the lord he’s not into guys anymore.

Candle in the Wind

Light a candle and practice queefing it out. Be the quaaludes/car crash to Marilyn/Diana and extinguish that beautiful flame far before it’s time. RIP Elton John.

Yuk it Up!

Did you know that laughing actually helps strengthen vaginal muscles? Watch an episode of your creepy cousin’s favorite show, The Big Bang Theory, and chuckle your way to a perfectly taut twat. VAZINGA!