In a major coup for the military-astrological complex and a move labeled “super annoying” by those born from September 23 to October 23, President Obama’s Libra Quarantine will begin initial operations in preparation for a Fall 2015 rollout.

“We as Americans are no longer going to wait for Libra to figure it the fuck out already.”

Outlined in his 2015 State of the Union Address, Obama noted that, since the Sephora Riots of 2009, most Americans have “had it up to here” with Libra “bullshit” and, with the support of House Taureans and the Senate Assembly of a Capricorn Moon, it is now time to “just get it out of our system, you know?”

Just back up for a minute and take stock.” As part of the quarantine, recently broken-up-with Librans will no longer be able to text you leading messages, and starting September 2015, victims falling under the sign of the scales will be left to “actually make a decision for once, like a real person.”