Skip to content
LADYPARTS
  • PODCAST
  • BODY
    • SEXY SEX
    • HEALTH
    • BEAUTY & STYLE
  • ENTERTAINMENT
    • CELEBS
      • COVER STORY
      • JUST LIKE US
  • LIFESTYLE
    • REAL TALK
    • ADVICE
      • DIANE
      • ASTROLOGY
  • ABOUT
Site Search
Trader Joes REAL TALK

Memo from Manager Mark: Fall Edition

  • 08/27/201503/09/2019
  • by Julia Davidovich
Trader Joes

Settle down turds and turdettes, it’s Managerial Mark here, your Crew leader. We have some new fall items you need to know about, and Thanksgiving is around the corner, dicktits, so pay attention.

Trader Joes

Yammy Mammy Marshmallow Sweet Potato Side

These guys are perfect for singles, loners, dog people, seniors, or anyone with no teeth or general tooth sensitivity. Yammy’s pairs well with our signature Warm Duck Salad and Ginger Pear Spears.

Trader Joes

TooFun Tofurky

This guy is pre-stuffed with cabbage rind and walnuts so you know it’s moist as hell. Remind customers that this turkey is for single lesbian substitute teachers only.

Trader Joes

Diet Muffin Stuffin’

Due to a recent backlog of muffin bottoms after our release of Mammoth Martha’s Muffin Tops, we are proud to announce the latest holiday staple, stuffing made entirely out of dried muffin bottoms: try baking these cuties at 400 for 10, adding a drizzle of corn vinaigrette and garnish with Ginger Pear Spears for a quick salad.

Trader Joes

Crazy Aunt Barbara’s Crantastic Preservation Experiment

This cranberry topping is rumored to have started as a failed attempt to ferment cranberries for liquor in jail toilets for trade in the big house. Once she was out, Aunt Barbara’s passion for toilet cranberry topping was passed down through generations and eventually our hands.

Trader Joes

Chubby Hubby’s Mexican Pumpkin Pie

This pie is the answer to every receptionist’s Thanksgiving potluck contribution. It’s every American’s favorite holiday pie with a sexy twist. And in America, it’s nice to have secrets again.

Share on Tumblr
Julia Davidovich

Julia Davidovich came to Los Angeles via Canada to pursue her career as a mime. Too bad all mimes are men and Julia is supposedly a woman.

Comments & Rants

How To Deal With Your King Tut When He’s In A King Rut
Trader Joe’s 5 Fall Favorites